Artists and No Health Care: The Perfect Storm of Neuroses
It turns out that Virginia is for lovers… of strict constitutional interpretation!
Striking down the greatest of all infringements on our personal liberties—affordable health care—a Virginia judge ruled today that the Affordable Health Care Act (née “Death Panel”) was exceeding the government’s role in interstate trade. (Similarly cracking down on the souvenir sno-globe industry’s latest attempt to regulate flake size.)
Why does your humble humorist care? Because an artist with health care is like a unicorn: they have all been hunted for sport by wealthy CEOs to extinction. Yet, they (artists, not unicorns) need health care the most:
We are imaginative. Those flourishes of the pen translate into a crippling ER-fueled certainty that it is never just gas. It is never just a pimple. It is never just that you ate beets the night before. Shakespeare was convinced of having brain-worms through the entire rehearsal process of As You LIke It. As he once quipped to an actor, “How would thou like it… if I were to haveth brain worms!”
We are aware of our bodies. Whether doing pirouettes or articulating that what you really need is a tuna melt right now, we listen when our bodies call. Tragically, our bodies have our brain’s fear-lobe on speed dial. By the time we *69 it, the stabbing pain has moved down to our legs.
We read everything. We saw that tumor with the teeth in it. We read about that woman who pooped out a baby in the DMV bathroom. An artists ability to empathize and visualize turns us into those fainting goats around episode of Dr. Oz. And why are there so many silent killers?!?!? MAKE SOME NOISE!!!
We are self-absorbed. In the one characteristic we share with unicorns, artist are all about us. And when vain musings turn into vein musings—i.e. “Why is my left arm tingling? Oh, God. No. NOOO!”—-that is a recipe for disaster.
We are poor. Oh, and everything is a million dollars in the health care industry.
Thanks, Virginia. As history has shown us, you always come down on the right side of social issues. Happy to follow your lead.