Jess Burkle: Archive

7 tags

Etiquette: On Greeting Cards

Ah, the thrill of seeing a crisp envelope—in a shade of paper that would only be functional in shielding more functional paper from the elements. Ah, the emotion of that glossy card—intriguing prompt and image on the outside, witty remark and graphic twist on the inside. That deep feeling of shame—from immediately throwing it into the trash. Listen people: a greeting card is...

Mar 31st

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Watch

There are no words.

Mar 24th

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smartenphöneae (n.)

[SMART-en-fone-ah] The experience of deriving joy from the pain that others incur while using a smartphone. (Ex: My smartenphöeae was off the charts when Jimmy fell down that well while playing AngryBirds.)

Mar 23rd

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5 tags

MOVIE MASHUP (Elizabeth Taylor Edition):

Egyptian queen Liz Taylor is embroiled in international intrigue with Harrison Ford in this epic Tom Clancy action film.

Mar 23rd

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MOVIE MASHUP (Elizabeth Taylor Edition):

Liz Taylor and James Dean join Woody Allen in this Dreamworks animated film about oil rich insects.

Mar 23rd

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MOVIE MASHUP (Elizabeth Taylor Edition):

Disgruntled wife Liz Taylor is feed up playing nice with Benicio Del Toro until the full moon comes out…

Mar 23rd

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MOVIE MASHUP (Elizabeth Taylor Edition):

Feillini directs Liz Taylor in her first Oscar win.

Mar 23rd

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MOVIE MASHUP:

While studying the Vatican, Tom Hanks falls in love with mortal Meg Ryan until she dies in a tragic biking accident (and potentially a nuclear bomb).

Mar 23rd

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MOVIE MASHUP:

Brooding billionaire Christian Bale kidnaps Cameron Diaz in Boston in this map-cap rom-comic book adventure.

Mar 23rd

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MOVIE MASHUP:

Paul Shore catches up with his childhood best friends Rosie O’Donnell and Demi Moore in his new line of work.

Mar 23rd

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MOVIE MASHUP:

Superhero Toby MacGuire protects Dakota Fanning from kidnappers in Mexico City.

Mar 23rd

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MOVIE MASHUP:

In what movie does Brad Pitt battle with his father Anthony Hopkins while his brother Michael Douglas has the worst day ever?

Mar 23rd

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MOVIE MASHUP:

What is the name of the movie musical where Gene Kelly helps Adam Sandler get over his post-traumatic stress disorder?

Mar 23rd

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14 tags

What's with journalists and cargo pants?

NBC’s Richard Engel stomps around arid dessert climates squinting, searching, and asking the hard questions. Pretty-boy David Muir loves nothing more than an ABC live-feed of squatting in a disaster area; he often picks up objects and then puts them down with a disbelieving shrug. And CNN’s Anderson Coopper is always in some Banana Republic—not the gay strip club, the...

Mar 22nd

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4 tags

“Why is NPR biased to the left? Because it simply doesn’t accept as truth the...”

– Ziyu Ziyu (via technipol) If that isn’t the goddamn truth… When you’re political mission is to “conserve” the status quo, or even, as in many cases, to turn back the clock to “the good old days” while the world is moving forward around you, you have a great enemy in facts. (via divineirony) Wow,...

Mar 21st

1,657 notes

6 tags

Why is everyone in the Honey Bunches of Oats...

Mar 21st

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Beverage Rankings: For the first time, more Diet... →

Mar 17th

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Mar 17th

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Mar 16th

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New Vocabulary Words: Cherivations

Cher-pas (n.): A social misstep in the tradition of Cher. (ex: Jenny made a major Cherpas by straddling that cannon on the deck of the battleship during the Evelyn’s tea party.) Cher-haps (conj.): events conditional upon, or ironic because of, the presence of Cher. (ex: Stephen missed the lunar eclipse Cherhaps he was watching Moonstruck.)

Mar 16th

17 tags