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Jess Burkle

jessburkle.com / @JessBurkle
Apr 23 '13

Where “The Giving Tree” should have drawn the line.

When he gave the boy his apples, that’s fine. Apples grow back.

When he gave the boy his branches, that’s fine. The boy needed a home.

But when he gave the boy his trunk, it was for a boat. And recreational boating does not justify sacrifice on that scale.

Don’t come asking me for a kidney because you really want a dune buggy.

 

 

2 notes Tags: the giving tree shel silverstein codependancy childhood trees boats organ donation jess burkle

Apr 9 '13
Surely I’m not the only one who wants to know more about that one, angry, North Korean, female nightly news anchor who always wears pink. Where is this Lifetime movie?

Surely I’m not the only one who wants to know more about that one, angry, North Korean, female nightly news anchor who always wears pink.

Where is this Lifetime movie?

Mar 26 '13

James Cameron’s newly-uncovered love of submarines really gives “Titanic” a new layer of moral complexity.

Mar 26 '13

I hope that the Supreme Court makes the informed decision today and, finally, let’s Roe marry Wade.

1 note

Mar 25 '13

Yeah, we should probably let each states decide about whether marriage equality is a good fit for them. You know, like slavery.

1 note

Mar 22 '13

Bachelorette Balloons

JESS enters Ricky’s Party Store in Chelsea, approached salesman.

JESS: Excuse me, sir. Do you sell balloons?

SALESMAN: Uh… we sell, like, bachelorette ballons…

JESS: You mean like…

SALESMAN: Balloons shaped like dicks.

And there you have it, society is not yet equipped  for lesbian bachelorette party. 

Mar 21 '13

I suppose I can take comfort in the fact that, by its own laws, #YOLO can never be a thing again. #YOLO

Mar 21 '13

I love that moment when men first greet each other and awkwardly decide what their physical interaction should be.

1 note

Mar 19 '13

Mt. Rushmore

Wouldn’t you agree that we may have lost ourselves a bit when we thought it was a good idea to alter a mountain into the likeness of four human faces?

Like, you know when, in a sci-fi movie, they travel to another planet and there are those enormous statues of the leaders and, like, their faces craved into mountains? That’s not aliens. We did that. In the 20’s. 

I, for one, find it terrifying.

1 note

Mar 19 '13

On Pictures of Food

There must be some deep-seated evolutionary need to  share the fact that you are eating food.

In like a “I shall survive this winter and you shall not so mate with me” kinda way.